SANTORINI

Or

Watch out for that... eeeww, what's that smell?

Santorini or Thera, bears the same name and is the remnant of a volcanic caldera. It is the largest island of a circular archipelago that forms the southernmost member of the Cyclades group of islands. It's principal city of Fira sits on the edge of the caldera 400 meters above the sea. 

If you have been following this particular NOWAT from the beginning, you'll remember that SANTORINI would be posing a challenge with the tendering, excursions, etc.  

Hence, the reason We4 elected to take a ship sponsored excursion that would take them to the Ferry dock to board a motor coach directly, rather than the docks at the Old Port, thus avoiding the long queue at the sky lift or the hazardous Donkey trek up slippery zig-zags {seen on the left of the picture above]  to get to Fira, waaaayyyy up at the top of the cliff. 
This also got them off the ship first, albeit almost 9:00 AM to take a bus to visit Oia, {pronounced: EE-YAH} at the north end of the island.  There they are to spend an hour or so wandering around on their own, and then back to Fira with vouchers for the sky lift down.

The tendering went well, but then, it rapidly spiraled "Down-Hill" from the moment we boarded the bus.  The only good thing was again scoring the front seats, which also gave us a ringside seat for the debacle that was about to unfold.

First, the microphone on the bus didn't work and our guide Thea, seated next to the driver, spent the next 15 minutes squawking "Ne...Ne...Ne" {yes...yes...yes} into a dead microphone, rather than facing the full bus and talking a bit louder to give the planned spiel for the trip. 
Meanwhile, the driver was one handing it up the narrow and treacherous zig-zag, similar to The Old Austrian Road in Kotor, while trying at the same time to manipulate all the buttons of the sound system to no avail, much the dismay of those of us in the front.  
Thea finally called someone from her tour agency to meet the bus at a designated spot along the way with a new Mic. 

With a functioning Mic at last and a dozen more "Ne-Ne's" she proceeded to with her non-inspiring spiel using a long pointer on a map behind the driver that couldn't be made out from the third row back.

But WAIT... It gets better… or actually, worse.

Finally arriving at the parking lot for Oia,

You say EE-YAH / I say Oy-Ya…

"We shoulda called the whole thing off"

{With apologies to George and Ira Gershwin},

Thea is now waiting for all those that "didn't Go" before they got on the bus to get out of the  €.50 per seat, W/C {European for Rest Room} before she could start the trek up the hill, across the busy highway, up more stairs, to the long narrow alley and still more stairs up to the central square of Oia... 

"You say EE..."

OK...OK, we'll get on with it...

By now it's close to 11:30 AM and after a brief spiel about the church in the

square and with instructions to meet her back there by

"Quat-terr afta Twelff",

she turns the crowd lose to wander around, get lost, check out the view,  get lost, patronize the tchotchke shops, eat, drink or whatevah, and/or just plain get lost in the maze of alleys and cafes.

We4 starts out first this way for a while, in and out of shops, only to see that it's pretty much all the same stuff from China, stamped "Made in  Greece". 

“OK, let's go back that way..."

Same stuff, different shop. 

"Ok, maybe find coffee and a snack,

and try for something more substantial in

Fira where we’ll have more time.”

So We4 head back done the narrow "Up Alley" to a cute cafe with a very creative courtyard they had passed earlier, where, who do we find in the corner... Thea, who promptly tells them if they're looking for a good meal, try somewhere else. Say What?

So...it's good enough for you and not us?!?

We4 decide to stay anyway for coffee, some Baklava and something called "Tomato Balls"'

"Hmmm, I didn't know they had balls",

was Lenny's comment.

Coffee good, Baklava excellent and the "Tomato Balls {actually deep fried slices of tomato} not bad at all.

Time to head back to the bus, rather than the square since Thea, who had already left, had to go past the cute courtyard to get to down the bus anyway.  
Even with stops for pics along the way, We4 still beat her back to the bus.

Now for the boring drive back to Fira {which by the way is spelled "Thira" on the island but pronounced, "FEE-RAH, Go figure}.

After passing out vouchers for the sky lift and a few more NE-NE’s on the Mic, Thea begins another droning monologue, complete with her long pointer on the waaayyy too small map and proceeds to put most of the bus to sleep.

Once back in FEE-RAH, after navigating serious traffic, {there are 4 ships in port} the bus drops us off on some back street and we have to trek across another busy highway, up several steep stairs, around the corner and down the block to the midway point somewhere between the corner of "Walk & Don't Walk" and the sky lift... Waaaayyyyy over there.

"And this concludes the tour

Ladeees and Geentleman"'

says Thea as she points the way into the maze of alleys that make up the seafront "Main Street" of SANTORINI’s Tchotchke Heaven.

At This point, everyone can neither go:
This way, towards the Donkey Zig-Zag down, and a bit further up the maze, to the Queue for the Sky Lift.

Or that way to nowhere in particular, but there's always a cute Cafe with a stunning ocean view, or another SPECTAULAR tchotchke shop on the other side of the alley... errr...uhh, street... Whatevah.

Sooooo, they went this way for a while, then that way, then back again to a cute cafe for, their usual family style order of dis 'n' Dat {no  Tomato Balls} some cold beer, wine and some great pics of... 4 ships in the harbor, the donkey trail and a bunch of shots trying to catch the sky ride in focus... missing them all... Waaayyy over there.

Then more Tchotchke strolling, where Chucky haggled a good deal on a lovely Leather Mini-Backpack for his God-Daughter who just loves... loves... loves Mini-Backpacks {according to her Mother} and made in of all places Venice, Italy but sold as "GREEK".

By then they had had enough of the heat, crowds, never ending tchotchke shops with Chinese "Made in Greece" stuff, so it was time to find the queue for the sky lift.  
By now they had passed the donkey trail and up more stairs to find the ridiculously long queue, which, folks coming back down said was at least an hour. Lenny and Donna elected to stand in line while Chucky climbed up a bit more to see the line snaking around a tiny square, lup another alley and right up still another alley, to the 6 person/6 car sky lift.

Chucky and DL hate standing in long lines chose to keep moving, ignoring all the warnings and horror stories they had heard, and headed back to try the donkey zig-zag down.  Also known as the Karavolades Stairs.

Which was another of those questionable decisions for our Wacky duo, as all the stories became painfully true.

It's a good thing L&D chose to stay in the sky lift queue, they would have never made it down the donkey trail without a mishap.

It was a trek of overwhelming, nauseating smell, from all the urine and Donkey Doo, slippery and rocky steps, unbearable heat, more Donkey Doo, etc... etc...
But HEY... the View was spectacular, which might have been appreciated if it wasn't so hot, stinky and sweaty.

Even at their usual brusque pace, with a little slip, here an almost flop there, it took them 40 Minutes to navigate the 588 steps down, past several long lines of donkeys, {with and without foolishly fearless souls}, dodging other sweating masochists who were also dodging Donkey Doo here, Donkey Pee there, in what proved to be a treacherous ordeal.

OK, so next time, like there will EVER be a next time, these insane fools will heed the many internet posted, TripAdvisor shouted and elsewhere written warnings of: 

DON'T TAKE THE DONKEY TRAIL!!!  

Or Not...

They’ve been known to do worse, all in the name of "Discovery".

Once on the pier {400 meters/1,312 feet below Fira on the Caldera Clifs} our totally disheveled pair had to search for, then stand in, the long queue for the Royal Caribbean tender, waaayyyyy over there past the other 3 ships tents while two tenders filled up before they could get on one. 

In fact, tenders were in such demand that MSC Cruises had hired two pirate ships to ferry their passengers back to their ship as they were behind in their departure.

While in line, who should show up but Jennifer and Mark, who had also come down the Donkey Trail, commenting effusively on all that was reported above.

Finally on a tender, the four of us sat outside to catch some fresh air after all the Donkey Doo, making it back to the ship in time to head for showers and later cocktails in the lounge with their favorite bartender, Soul Man.

Dinner was more of the same outstanding service and good food, with after dinner coffee and cognac in the casino and up to the cabins early to rest aching muscles, screaming feet.

Tomorrow is Katakolon, and there is a great story about that, but you'll have to wait for the next post, this got waaayy outta hand.

Ciao 4 Now

Uncle Chuck & The never felt sorrier for a Donkey, 

Dragon Lady